Should I Make Stuff Up?
Inclined to add some 'pizazz' to your stories? Why not tell it like it is – or was. / Image by Julien Tromeur via Unsplash
What if you have memory gaps, lack details, or your story seems too ordinary…should you make stuff up? No need, when you can tell a real-life story in an engaging way.
This is a big question. For life-storytelling and family history, I say “don’t make it up – share what really happened”. But it may not be easy to get at the facts, and each person has a different ‘truth’ to their life experience. Some feel the need to exaggerate, such as in a ‘big fish that got away’ story.
“The report of my death was an exaggeration.”
(Even the more familiar version of this quote, ‘the reports of my death were greatly exaggerated’ is itself a stretch!)
My approach is to tell accurate stories that will entertain listeners. The main purpose of this site is to give tips and ideas for you to tell real-life stories in ways that will appeal to others. This goes for stories from your experiences, memories of key people in your life, and about the lives of ancestors.
Sometimes it can be hard to tell between fact and fiction, before you even think of adding elements from your imagination.
Here are some common concerns and things to consider.
Missing Memories
There are gaps in how you remember events.
Others remember it differently.
Your relative’s memory is faltering.
Facts of the Matter
You’re missing info about the person’s life.
You wish to show someone in the best light, but there is more to their story.
Family lore passed down as oral history may or may not be true.
Bias is built-in to our history, culture, and outlook.
Your side of the story is not the mainstream narrative.
Repeating something makes it seem true.
Truth and Entertainment
You worry your story may be too ordinary.
You don’t want to bog down a tale with too many facts.
You wonder if you have enough facts to build a true story,
Adding fiction would make it more vivid and entertaining.
Many people share the same ancestors, so making stuff up misleads them.
Maybe you didn’t have these concerns, but now you do?! Not to worry, the tips in this post will help overcome such issues as you tell life stories. I suggest how you can stick to what’s most real.
Missing Memories
There are various ways in which our memories fail – or fake – us. This can happen to you, me, or anyone we interview about life stories.
Memory Gaps
It’s natural that you or someone you interview for life stories will have gaps in memory. You can leave those parts out of your story, or say you don’t recall.
I work around memory gaps instead of filling them in with made-up material. I might say: “I forget what happened just before, but this part I recall clear as day…”. Or, “I was too young to remember, but the way my mother tells it is…”.
Young or old, we all have cherished memories, forgotten times, and things we mix up. / Photo by Mali Desha via Pexels
As a person ages, their current (short term) memory may decline but they might recall some things from long ago.
Memories are Fallible
Our memory may not be accurate.
Some events were so long ago, or not that meaningful at the time, that we don’t remember.
Others have told us things so many times that it feels like we remember it that way.
Some vivid memories arise from trauma – parts are clear, while other details are absent.
It’s said that every time you revisit a memory, it changes a bit in your mind.
Memories Fade
This is similar to gaps in memory, but more like foggy memories. You or someone else may still remember, but it feels vague. (Tip: make notes now if you’d like to tell a story later – it’s amazing what you might forget and how details bring back the memory.)
Even if memories have faded, you can still write about your experience or about family history. It could be worthwhile for others to hear, versus not saying anything or filling in false info. Just specify which parts you’re not sure about.
Memories Differ
You may tell a story from when you were with family or friends, and find that others remember it differently. They may have a different perspective on past events and people.
Some ways to handle this are to:
include various versions or ‘takes’ on the story
say which parts are uncertain
weave the most true-seeming throughline
confirm your version if possible (perhaps with a street map, newspaper article, or photo)
ask ‘outsiders’ who were at the event or occasion
say “others differ, but the way I recall it is…”
Facts of the Matter
Missing Info
If you lack info about a person or event you’re writing about, you can:
focus on what you do know
research further to find out
work around that part
These are ways to deal with gaps and still tell the story without making stuff up.
Family Lore
Family lore often contains the most intriguing and unexpected story fragments. Maybe that’s why it was repeated through the generations. It may be exaggerated, or changed as it’s passed along. It might be about a great escape, an unfortunate accident, deeds in a battle, or your connection to royalty. It may hint at where your family was from.
Sometimes ancestors hid their religion or changed their surname to avoid prejudice. Others told tall tales from a faraway land. Often, though, family lore has a grain of truth and provides clues. Through research, you may be able to find out what really happened.
In today's world, we have many avenues for research and fact-checking about family history. / Photo by Mikhail Nilov via Pexels
Many avenues are available for you to discover your family history and find the correct storyline.
It’s okay to include family lore in your family history stories. If it’s not a proven part of your background, just say that it was a story or anecdote passed down through the generations.
Bias
There is bias built-in to how we view things, individually or as a group. This comes from our cultural background, education and other factors.
Leaving Things Out
Part of bias is in what we don’t say. What we do relate might all be true. But the parts we omit may form a key part of the story, which is skewed by leaving them out.
We leave things out of our own stories. Some matters are too private to share. And, of course, we like to put ourselves in a good light. It’s the same when we sum up the life of someone important in our lives, such as in a eulogy.
If we include additional parts that matter, we get a more whole picture of a person or family. This builds a better foundation of accurate stories.
Who Writes History
Over time, these groups tend to have been the writers of history:
societies with a strong tradition in writing and keeping documents
dominant cultures: the oppressors, winners of wars, those who are more educated, and have the most resources
men, writing about men (because they were the main actors in society)
Now this is changing, as people – women, minority cultures, indigenous peoples – strive to tell their stories and have them heard.
What do you wish to say? What – and whose – life stories would you like to bring to light? Photo by George Milton via Pexels
I think that the more we fill in gaps, hear the other side, test our assumptions and present a more realistic whole picture, the better.
Say your side. Share your voice.
Repeat, Repeat, Repeat
To repeat something false or made-up doesn’t make it true or real. Still, if people believe or buy into it, it does have real consequences (think of online misinformation). When we repeat something to ourselves – what we assume, or prefer to believe – it can seem like a proven truth. False family history becomes part of our understanding of who we are. If we pass this along to next generations, it misrepresents their background.
What can you do about it? This is part of human behaviour and society. What each of us can do is not add to the problem (pass off falsehoods as truth), and try to correct it where possible.
Relate what really happened, without: exaggerating, inserting what you wish happened, or skewing the story to make someone (you? someone else?) look better or worse.
Don’t leave out important parts that change the nature of the story or overall view of the person.
Share some of the untold or not-being-heard stories to bring listeners towards a more balanced view of what happened.
Truth and Entertainment
Is it Too Ordinary?
Do you wonder if your story is unique and exciting enough?
It depends on your audience, the story, and how you tell it.
If you’d like to relay your favourite things to your family, then just tell them – and say why you love those things, activities, foods etc. It’s okay to describe a memory or felt experience, even if it’s not part of a story. Your family and next generations might like to hear what things were like for you in younger days.
Reflect on your lived experience– and notes you've made – to decide which stories to tell and how. / Photo by Mariia Chalaya via Unsplash
If you’d like your story to appeal to a broader audience, you can:
choose stories that have the most ‘story potential’
use storytelling techniques to tell a real-life story in an engaging way
use key writing methods to bring memories to life for your reader
A relative or ancestor’s life ‘is what it is’. But what seems ordinary to some people might intrigue others, such as those interested in family or social history. Also, you can:
choose which part of their life to focus on
seek to uncover more details about your ancestor
help your reader get to know and care about that person
tell their story in a way to engage your audience
These are some highlights of how to tell an ancestor’s story from facts.
Shared Ancestors
In relating family history, it’s important to ‘get it right’ – or as accurate as possible – partly because each person shares common ancestors with so many other people.
If you make stuff up, put words in their mouth, buy into (and repeat) an unproven storyline, or accept others’ assumptions that those are indeed your ancestors – then the people who see your stories are fed the wrong information.
What did this woman's life entail, and who are among her descendants now? / Photo by Chris Curry via Unsplash
Fact, Fiction and In-Between
These days, with more access to information, it can be harder to tell between fact and fiction. In life stories, as in other information-sharing, there are a lot of grey areas. There are categories of writing between fiction and non-fiction.
It’s hard to attract and hold people’s interest with a list of facts. If you produce a family tree with many names and dates, most peoples’ eyes glaze over. But if you tell an interesting story of an ancestor, people are wired to listen. If you write someone’s profile in a C.V. format, the highlights are there. But people may not retain it all, nor come away with a feeling for the person.
If you wish to include facts but not bog down your family history story, you could put extra info in endnotes – such as the historical context or background info (and cite your sources).
If you fictionalize (i.e. make stuff up), of course you can make a story more exciting, intriguing, or full of conflict. With research and your imagination, you can colour between the lines even as the overall story remains true. Some writers like to use a family history as a springboard to write an entire novel. People love a good story and a good movie.
I enjoy writing fiction, and have written a number of scripts for short films. They were based on something that really happened, but that was only the germ of the idea. They were produced and screened as fiction.
State if it’s Made-Up
Whatever approach you choose for a given story, state what it is. If you’d like to tell a story that goes beyond the facts, let your readers know, even if it’s based on a true story or actual family history. You can also say where a part is imagined, or pose a question about an uncertainty (versus selecting one option over another as the one that’s most likely true).
Ask yourself:
Is it an accurate personal story or proven family history, i.e. a piece of non-fiction?
Did you base much on the true story, but add elements to make it a work of creative non-fiction?
Have you used your imagination along with your research to write a book of historical fiction?
Did you make up a story about yourself or others, so best change the names and call it fiction?
Choose Your Way
Does fiction belong in stories about your life, your family, or your ancestors? Not for me, but it’s up to you to decide.
When I tell stories from my life, or about my relatives or ancestors, I wish to say what really happened, how the person was, and what they did. To the best of my ability, I recall from memory, research people’s background, and tell the stories from there. I try not to blur the lines between fact and fiction. That way, those who read the stories in future will hear an accurate basis from which to go forward. Individual stories are often part of family stories, which collected over time become part of family history.
If you’re keen to tell it like it is (or was), and have people take interest and remember, see the many how-to ideas in the posts on this site! The writing and storytelling tips are creative writing techniques, used to write ‘true’ stories – as true as possible.
written by Barbara L Campbell, 2024