Which Stories to Tell
Wonder what memories or ancestor stories to share? / Photo by Karolina Grabowska via Pexels
Which stories to tell from your life and family history? Consider your aim and your audience, and look for elements of story.
There are so many stories you could tell! Your own true-life tales, memories of someone important to you, stories from the lives of your ancestors. How to choose?
Whether you’re looking at a blank page – or have too many ideas – here are some factors to help you decide.
What Matters to You
Is there a topic or theme you’d like to explore, and share your perspective? Tales you’d like to tell from your life’s adventures? Special people in your life, whose qualities you wish to showcase? Certain parts of your family history that you’d like to bring to light?
“What has heart and meaning for you?”
Not every story you tell needs to be packed full of meaning. Maybe a story is about a delicious pie that brought delight to the dinner table and a big mess to the kitchen! Even there, the story-behind-the-story may be about family or community getting together and ‘rolling with it’.
Some stories may too close to your heart to share (not yet, if ever), and that’s okay. Other stories are meaningful and memorable, and you’d like others to know.
What’s Your Aim
What would you like to achieve in telling a life story or stories?
Your aim may be different for each life stories project. Your main intent could be to engage and entertain your audience. (Ideally all stories would do that, especially if you wish to attract a public audience.)
Perhaps you’d like to inspire and encourage others through one or more of your real-life stories.
Would you like share stories of your ancestors’ lives?
If you don’t know yet, no problem…read on. Here are a few categories of aims with examples. See if they fit for you, or if they prompt ideas of your own.
Engage and Entertain
No matter who or what your story is about, you’ll want to get your audience’s attention. Then, might you like to:
make people laugh
engage their curiosity to find out what happens next
tell about your family history in memorable ways
In any case, it’s good to select the kind of true-tales that have elements of story (see below).
Inspire and Encourage
Do you seek to inspire others through your storytelling? You might tell how:
your community worked together to create something worthwhile
acts of kindness helped your family through a natural disaster or other hard times
people from different cultures worked together on a project
Memories you share might encourage other people. / Photo by Kampus Production via Pexels
Would you like to encourage people through challenging times? If so, you could think of:
life experiences you’ve been through and how you overcame troubles
how after years of hardship, your family remains resilient
Maybe you’d like to show that if you keep trying, you can reach your goals and have dreams come true.
It’s good to share such stories for people to hear.
Inform and Impart
Would you like to share certain parts of your life, career or experience? Maybe to:
let your children and grandchildren know what your life was like in younger days
describe some key things that happened in your line of work
tell what it was like to live in another country
Might you wish to let people know what key people in your life were like? Such as:
how your parent or a mentor influenced your life
the role your grandparent played in their community
Your experiences and know-how may shed light for others. / Photo by Cottonbro Studio via Pexels
Would you like to cover a certain episode or timeframe in your family history? Perhaps to share:
the role your ancestors played – and what they went through – during a certain event in history
an untold part of your family history that you wish to make known
facts that set the record straight and clarify family lore
Is there a topic that grabs your attention and you’d like to put it forth in public, for people to consider? Or a message or info to provide to your family?
Who’s Your Audience
Your choice of which story to share depends a lot on your audience: how close they are to you, and their ages and interests. You may have a different audience (readers, listeners or viewers) depending on the situation or story.
For example, your audience may be:
your grandchildren or future descendants
people gathered for a celebration of life
a group interested in genealogy and family history
your friends
members of the public
What might interest and engage your intended audience? Your family – including next generations – may like to hear about your ‘firsts and favourites’. Readers from the public might prefer a ‘journey story’.
There's a time and place for certain stories in life. / Photo by Vladimir Konoplev via Pexels
It’s good to decide how much you wish to share, depending on your potential audience. Will you feel comfortable sharing a private story if it gets out in public? Are you prepared to divulge family secrets, keeping your relatives in mind?
What’s the Occasion
Is there a certain reason you wish to share a story at this time? Such as to:
develop your stories to build toward a memoir
deliver a tribute at a wedding, retirement or celebration of life
tell your memories and stories to your children and grandchildren
share ancestor stories at a family reunion
publish an article in a genealogy magazine, or write ancestor profiles for a family history
The type of occasion will help you decide which story or stories to share. It ties back to which audience and where you’ll share your stories, as well as emotional tone or mood (scroll below).
Who’s the Story About?
There may be a particular person whose story or stories you’d like to share. It may be someone significant in your life, such as a parent or other relative, life partner, mentor or close friend.
You may wish to:
assist that person in sharing their stories
share memories that others have of the person
place a spotlight on someone and their life
You may not know what you’d like to share until you interview the person and those close to them, and hear their stories!
Which Ancestor(s)
Whether you’re aware of many or few of your ancestors, you need to decide whose stories to tell.
You may like to write about:
recent ancestors you met, such as a grandparent who has since passed away
one or more ancestors of a particular generation or family line
ancestors from a certain geographic location
What's behind a family photo, and the lives your ancestors led? / Photo by Vadim Bocharov via Pexels
A key factor to help you decide is how much information you have found about an ancestor. If it’s bare-bones, there may not much of a story. But if you find a newspaper article, a file in an archive, or maybe even their memoir, then you have material to shape your ancestor’s story.
As you delve into details of your ancestor’s past, key elements that appeal to readers include:
their role in a turning point in your family’s history, such as emigration
their presence at a big historic event
twists and turns in their life, and perhaps some intrigue
If possible, include any personal element that shows their human side, such as: the challenges of being a pioneer, a riches-to-rags story, or their favourite personal pastime.
Story Elements
You may already know which story or memory you’d like to share. You might describe an event, share a memorable moment, or highlight qualities of someone special. Maybe there’s an ancestor you identify with, or whose life impresses you and you’d like to tell their story.
If you have many choices and only so many stories you’d like to tell, look for elements of story to help you decide. Such elements include: an interesting or unique character (could be you!), ups and downs along a journey, and some conflict.
Character, Challenges and Changes
These are the kinds of things that can keep your audience riveted. People like to see how someone grows or changes as they take steps to face obstacles in life.
Stories arise from crossing a new threshold in life. / Photo by Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels
The story could be about you, a central person in your life, an ancestor and their family, or even generations over time in a family’s history.
How did you make a big change in your life, and how did things go?
When did you face a particular challenge, and what got you through?
What were big turning points in the life of a key relative or an ancestor?
It doesn’t have to be gloomy – maybe you were on a team of underdogs who won the trophy in the end!
Conflict
Conflict is the stuff of stories. It is part of life. If you’re like me, you may prefer to avoid conflict such as arguments in your daily life. But conflict is much broader than that in storytelling.
In storytelling, conflict arises between the main character in your story (could be you, or your ancestor) and the obstacles (people and situations) that get in the way. Humans are wired to look at conflict and learn. This is how storytelling arose, as teaching stories.
It may not be a full battle or war. Conflict occurs between individuals (e.g. on opposing sides of an argument, or competing for the same love interest), within a person (e.g. should they do the right thing or what they’d prefer), or between people and their environment (e.g. a farmer facing a drought, or a family living through a pandemic).
It’s quite alright to write about a beautiful sunset you saw, and your feelings at the time. It’s good to record such memories for yourself, those close to you, in a social media post, or as part of a larger story.
But in terms of choosing which story to tell, how to tell it, or which ancestor to write about – conflict will grab people’s attention. Is it about:
facing a bully in grade school
making a difficult life decision
people competing for the same land
You don’t need to make it up. It’s something to look for in what already happened, to help you choose and tell your story.
Unique Experience
You may be able to describe a fairly unique experience. Others might be interested to hear your insider view. Did you pilot a plane or submersible? Work backstage at a concert? Did you ancestor write a letter describing their overseas voyage to a ‘new land’? Even what a farming life is like now – or was long ago – is unfamiliar to many people.
While working as a management consultant in my twenties, I visited three male prisons for one day each: a minimum security, a medium, and a maximum. My day in ‘the Max’ was memorable to say the least, and not a place many people go!
Coincidence?
Have you experienced a coincidence or stroke of good fortune that seems ‘out of the blue’? Perhaps unexpectedly meeting your future life partner? Or uncovering a clue about your ancestry by chance versus research?
Call it what you like – attribute it to something or nothing – but people love to hear this kind of story.
To select stories that contain some of these key elements, consider questions to prompt life stories.
Mood
Your choice of which story to tell might relate to the mood you wish to create. Maybe you’d like to tell a scary (yet true-to-life) story to a group of children! Comedians sometimes address big topics, sometimes small – either way, they aim to make you laugh.
It’s good to create an overall mood that fits with the situation. There may be different ups and downs of emotions (such as anticipation, surprise and humour), even within a sombre story.
Whether or not it affects your choice of story, it’s good to think what mood you’d like to convey.
Puzzle Piece
Does the story fit within a larger narrative? Is it a short story, poem, or other piece that will be part of a collection? If so, you may choose to include it as a piece of the whole ‘puzzle’.
When you outline a longer storyline – whether for a book, slideshow, or other life stories project – you may see a gap to fill. There may be a character missing, part of someone’s life-timeline to be included, or a piece of info to connect the storyline together.
It could be a story about a key moment in childhood that helped form your character. Or the profile of an ancestor to include in a larger family history. Perhaps it’s part of a life pattern that you’re exploring as you write a memoir.
written by Barbara L Campbell, 2024