Interviewing for Life Stories
When you ask questions about someone's life and listen with interest, you get more than just responses.
I find it rewarding to interview someone about their life stories. Here are some of my experiences, and take-aways for a fruitful process.
I enjoy interviewing others to hear their life stories, including family members and friends. My goal is to make a life story book about each person, with photos and write-ups about parts of their life and family history.
Even when I know them well (or thought so!), I wish to elicit their stories and capture their memories. I’m surprised at how much is ‘news to me’. It broadens my view of their life and personality, beyond our years together.
The bonus outcome is that all the sharing and listening during the interview process deepens our connection going forward.
Setting the Stage
I was working on my first tribute book (about my father, who died many years earlier) when my mother needed my help to move into a dementia-care home. After meeting her new neighbours, I realized I’d best ask my mother about her memories – sooner than later.
I asked Mom if I could make a book about her too, while I had the chance to ask her questions. She replied “sure, you can ask, but I might not remember!” I told her that was no problem at all.
Time came for me to fly back home, thousands of miles away. Mom’s schedule was free in the early evenings, so we agreed that’s when I’d call.
Check-in and Conversation
“Choo-Choo!” I set a daily reminder on my mobile for ten minutes before our call. My mother loved trains all her life, so that seemed a good ringtone! I’d bring my dog with me out to the yard, and set up my patio umbrella, paper, pen, and laptop.
It had been hard for me to leave my mother at her new residence, even though it was nice and my siblings lived nearby. These phone interviews gave us a nice routine, to check in and see how she was doing. I’d share any bits of news I had.
That's my mother – newspaper by her side, notepad at the ready, and phone within reach for a good conversation.
Mom was glad to hear from me each time. I was thankful to be able to reach her again by phone – as we used to, but it hadn’t worked out in awhile.
After a little chat, I’d ask her some questions about her past. Soon I realized I had waited too long, while her Alzheimer’s developed. She was right, there was much she had forgotten. After about three questions, I’d swing back to conversation. I’d try to fit a question into our conversation every now and then, such as “hey, that reminds me of the time we… do you remember when…?”.
Even though I was curious about parts of her past and our family history, our conversations were ‘golden’ in themselves. It was great to connect in those moments. I would sit in my yard, toss a toy for my dog, and describe the berry bushes and birds to my mother. In her heyday, she would have been too busy for that. But by this time, it was exactly what we wanted to do.
I intended to give her the biography booklet for her 90th birthday, but suddenly she died several weeks before. It was only two months after our interview conversations.
I really cherish those times we shared together.
Take-Away: The benefits of preserving someone’s memories go beyond what they share, to include listening and paying attention.
Fading Memories, Clear Moments
Many years earlier, I’d asked my mother about her ancestors, and she outlined some of her family tree. In these interviews, I hoped to confirm names with her, and perhaps find out more. Although she could no longer remember what she had told me, I still had the notes from back then as a starting point.
I wanted to ask about something she told me decades before, when I was a young adult. She said she worked at a research lab in Montreal before the atomic bomb was created, and felt badly her work may have played a part. They weren’t told the full project at the time – only their little piece – and were sworn to secrecy.
“Mom, do you remember working in that secret laboratory?”
“Nope.”
Then again, you never know what might come up. When I asked Mom about her childhood, she remembered little but gladly recited entire poems from her school days! I included her favourites in the book.
One week, my sister called to say “Mom’s remembering things from the past – it’s a good time to ask questions!” During their visit, our mother told her the name of our father’s favourite summer vacation spot when he was a child – a place we’d never heard of before.
Fact-Check Personal and Family History
When I first started looking into my maternal ancestry, I used an incorrect surname from my mother’s memory. Thankfully, these days it’s easy to access ancestry records online to sort this out.
The more I look into my father’s side of the family, his boyhood vacation spot that my mother mentioned comes into play. I wondered why his family would travel there, but have since discovered his great-aunt lived nearby. It may be a clue to help me trace that lineage.
As for the nuclear lab… my mother spent her career in museums and railways. But she did graduate from McGill in math and physics. At her remembrance gathering, I took a moment to ask her best friends from university if they knew about the lab. “Harriet never said anything about that!”.
Then an engineer saw our mother’s obituary in the newspaper. He contacted our family, because he was researching the scientists who worked at the Montreal Laboratory in WW2 (related to the Manhattan Project) towards writing a book on the subject. He showed us a staff photo – including our mother as a young physics student.
Harriet Anderson among scientists at the Montreal Laboratory, 1940s. / Book credit and image source: Gilles Sabourin.
Take-Away: It’s worth looking into memories as clues that hold grains of truth.
Distance Interviews
Distance interviews are okay, especially if you’re on Zoom or such. Then you and your interviewee can still see each other, yet nobody needs to travel (e.g. if there are time, mobility, distance or health issues). The best part is you can record the audio – and the video too if your interviewee agrees.
My next person to interview was my uncle. He lived in Montreal, and I was on Canada’s west coast – so again, we did phone interviews. My smart phone wouldn’t record our conversations, and my uncle couldn’t see a computer screen anymore, so old-style phone calls were the way to go!
My iPhone wouldn’t allow me to record our conversations, so I took handwritten notes.
Inviting Story
After my uncle saw the life-story book I made about my mother, he asked to have one about himself.
When I was a child, I saw my uncle as the cheerful fellow who joined our family for Christmas and other gatherings. I got to know him better in adulthood, when I moved back to Montreal for a few years. I have great memories of our chats over a cold beer on his back patio on summer afternoons. We covered many topics: family, health, work, sports, news…
Yet there were so many things I didn’t know about his younger days, which hadn’t come up in conversation. My interview questions brought up so much ‘news to me’ about his life.
He was quite the storyteller! All I had to do was ask a question to get him started, then take notes as fast as I could.
I remember that lunch we shared, on a country drive to visit my uncle's favourite places. We captured that conversational feel in his life-story interview book. / Restaurant balcony by river in North Hatley, Quebec.
Take-Away: Interviews allow you to ask the kind of questions that will prompt life stories, which don’t come up in everyday conversation.
Journalistic Style
My uncle was so good at remembering and telling stories from his past. I was able to write up his life-story book in the question-and-answer style of a journalistic interview.
I was glad I took detailed notes while he talked. I was able to write up his responses, memories and stories in his own words. It makes the book even more charming, in that people who knew him can imagine him speaking in his own voice. And others can ‘get to know him’ better than if I had written more of a biography about him.
Interviewing In-Person
For my next set of interviews, I was able to meet a friend in her own home. She was in my writing group, and we lived in the same city. So we could do in-person interviews. I’d sit on her big red couch, while she pointed out artwork, books, photos, letters, a family tree – and other items related to the stories she told.
I took digital photos of some of these items to include in her magazine-sized life story book. I recorded some audio and video of her telling her stories.
My friend Frankie enjoys the book about her life and memories, collected from our interview and photo sessions.
We both found it helpful to agree on our topics for the next session. Then she could gather materials and her thoughts. She didn’t always have a ton of energy, so we were flexible on our timing and the length of a session. As a fellow writer, she helped edit the final copy. We were a good team!
Take-Away: Planning ahead is part of an approach to life-stories interviews that helps them go smoothly with better results.
Wrapping Up
After completing the interviews, I may have a few follow-up questions for my interviewee. These are to clarify and confirm what I plan to include in their write-up, or to be sure my edits are accurate.
I leave the interviews with a deeper understanding of the person, even someone I’d known for years. The sharing and listening strengthens our connection as friends and relatives going forward. It’s like we have more history together, even though I wasn’t around for their various life experiences.
They feel heard and noticed, and I feel honoured to be trusted with their stories.
Take-Away: The interview process can feel as rewarding as the project outcome.
written by Barbara L Campbell, 2024